Another Top 5: Workplace Faux Paus
Working at Microsoft for the past few years have exposed me to some of the most ridiculous behaviors I have seen in my life. At first I thought they might only be common at the big M, but after seeing plenty of viral videos and blog postings to boot, it’s clear that the American workforce has it’s fair share of “conduct” issues. I’ve narrowed down my list to the top 5 behaviors that just drive me nuts (and I’m sure many others).
#5 Mr. One Floor Elevator Rider
For those of you with medical issues, this obviously does not apply. For those of you with 2 perfectly healthy legs, shame on you. By the time you work your way through your journey of riding the elevator one stinking floor, you could have made it up the stairs in half the time you lazy sloth. Here’s the deal, one floor = stairs, 2+ floors = elevator usage. I’d argue that even 2 floors you should be taking the stairs, but let’s not get crazy shall we? Seriously, quit pissing everyone else off with your 1 floor escapades.
#4 Mr. Two Parking Space
Oh what do we have here? Someone decided that he was so important that he needed to take up
two parking spaces so no one could potentially ding his precious car. See there’s only one problem with that…you drive a friggen Honda Accord you half wit. And just because you have a spoiler on the back that doesn’t qualify you for 2 spots. You see, you’re actually only drawing more attention to your crappy car and are increasing the chances of someone relieving themselves on your precious automobile. Hey, when life gives you lemons…
#3 Ms. Half Beverage Drinker
This one may be more tied to Microsoft than others, but ridiculous nonetheless. We get free 
beverages here at the big M, and we have a whole army of perpetrators who have decided that since they aren’t thirsty enough to finish off an ENTIRE half pint of milk, that it’s a good idea to just put the rest back where they found it. Um…as much as I would love to enjoy the refreshing, thrist quenching flavor of your backwash, how’s about we just take that whole half pint of milk back with us to the desk huh? It’s okay, I promise, PETA won’t mind.
#2 & #1 Mr. No Flush (and his brother Mr. No Hand Wash)
And we’ve saved the absolute most horrid evil doers for last. That’s right workforce, they’re out 
there, and they are spreading their evil germs. I have no idea what goes through the mind of an individual who chooses to not flush nor wash their hands after completing their bathroom duties. There really is no explanation. Can there be? Man, urinating in this public restroom sure took a lot out of me! I don’t think I can muster up the strength to flush this one. Come to think of it, I’m flat out fatigued! Guess washing my hands is out of the question too!
And there you have it. With your help we can take these villians head on and rid the world of this evil. Because every red blooded American deserves the right to ride elevators more than 1 floor, drink unopened beverages, find parking spaces, use empty toilets and shake clean hands.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Ok, I totally agree with #4, but is it just me or are the parking spaces in Washington way smaller than everywhere else in the country?